Just words...

I am finally going to put my thoughts in print. I have thought a lot about whether or not I wanted to because I don't ever want them to come back to haunt me! Sometimes, I think it's better to just keep things to myself. But I feel it's time to put this out there just so people "get" what I am dealing with internally if I come across differently than normal right now. I am struggling in the most major way known to me about sending my child off on this trip. I know deep in my heart it will be 100% FINE but in my alone times, I cry, A lot! I am so proud of him and even more proud that he willing to cut the apron strings and fly a little higher. But STILL...6 days of no contact (physical). I know these are selfish thoughts. I get that. And that is why I will NOT show my fear, doubt, self pity, to my son. I act totally excited (which is not a lie) I am totally excited. I AM! But wow, does anyone understand what a big step this is for ME? I'm slowly dying inside from the anxiety and pain of knowing I will not see him for 6 days. It's just hard. And I want to put this down so that in the future I can come back and reflect on the thoughts I was having now and hopefully see that it was all for nothing. I know he will safe. I know he will have fun. I know he will Grow in more ways than one from this trip. I Get All That! I DO! And this is what is going to get me through those SIX LONG DAYS. Thanks for hearing me out. Don't judge me for loving my children too much! It's just an emotional time for me for many reasons. This is just one that is weighing heavy on my mind. He has his Fundraiser Saturday! I'm so excited for him and I have set a personal goal of $500. I believe we can do it! He has to get $300 for sure because his Great Aunt has promised him she will match him dollar for dollar up to $300! So he has to raise $300 for sure to make our favorite Aunt pay! LOL God I love her. She's has always had a special bond with Josh and I and now my oldest has found that love too. Family means the world to me and its awesome to have a few that really touch the soul. So thanks for hearing me out and letting me share my emotional pain with you. I will get through this. The hardest will be watching him board the plane. The rest of the time I will be busy working and having fun with Will. We have promised him a day of fun with just Mommy and Daddy. I worry sometimes that he might feel left out right now with all of our energies being put into Z. But he has lots of fun things happening too. He's very active in Scouts and Skating. So he gets attention too! No worries!